If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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