I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
