Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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