so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
