this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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