i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
