did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
