So drunk, too bad you don't want this
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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