i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
