hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
