I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
