I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
