we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
