So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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