We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
