I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
