You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
