I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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