just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
