I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
