I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
