holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
