This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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