I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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