So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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