yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
