i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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