when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
