So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize