we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
