Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
