Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
