Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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