Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
