I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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