I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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