my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
