i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
