I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
