If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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