my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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