Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
