I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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