just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
