I just cut my nipple shaving
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
