So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You are the jesus of drinking
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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