If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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