i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
