How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
