how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize